I love how strong we encourage self love in this generation. It is a prevalent theme that is rampantly and continuously detaching from the concept of selfishness. There is a thin line between the two however but that is a topic for another time. Case in point, I feel like we are missing a very interesting form of self love that actually helps us be more of ourself and be more in tuned of who we are as we go about with others.
I noticed we people tend to attach beautiful and exciting memories with another person. Like remember that trip with.., that night you got drunk with.., or that concert you sing along with.., you get the idea. On a far more intimate setting, we usually hear a sexual encounter story sound something like, "Hey, I slept with this guy last night and oh my god he literally made me cum twenty times", "Holy shit this girl is so crazy riding me last night I nutted twice in a row", or "Oh wow that guy has some good head game I totally felt like a newborn in that quick bathroom encounter". And since sex is at least an act between two people, I have yet to listen to someone narrate it in a manner where the story is about his or her performance. I don't go listening to my friends' story and hear someone say, "Hey I was banging this very hot girl so hard I almost nutted but then I remember my PC muscle training and was able to hold it and I was really proud of myself" or "Last night with boyfie I challenge myself to do some squat up and down game for more than five minutes and I am literally surprised that my gym visits had totally paid off". It's as if sex is something we get, not the dogmatic kind of ideation where a guy 'gets a girl' concept which is very archaic and demeaning for women, but more of a gift wrapped present that is handed to us. Yeah sure you work your game and skill but do you go around telling people that? I feel like if we are a more sex positive society and talk about it with our peers that way (of course ask consent first in case it's a private partner/relationship because we are still transitioning from a society that frowns upon it), the world would be a more sex satisfied and a safer place.
Let's take the discussion of sexual pleasure to something more singular and personal. As much as we don't hear the said scenarios above, as ridiculous as it may sound, do we hear someone say, "Oh boy that was a splendid and smooth fap". Perhaps no, and maybe we should keep that to ourselves as the world and our friends doesn't need to know that. But do we say that to ourselves in silence after we had some good time with our body? Also, why do we have that feeling though, the feeling that the world doesn't need to know?
Generally, there is a prevalent feeling of shame in the act of doing self-pleasure. It's like a form of self-pity because instead of letting someone attend to our carnal needs, we had to pathetically do it ourselves. I feel strongly opposed to that and call to to change the discussions. I don't think getting some from others and some for yourself takes up the same space in your life. Heck what's stopping you from doing them at the same time. Studies show that married couples (whom has the most regular sex) still has people masturbating from time to time and not solely because their partner is unavailable. However, high rate of it is indicative of sexual dissatisfaction.
Gathering from that, perhaps I may describe the working framework people work under when it comes into that their sexual satisfaction. So you feel sexual urges the first thing you check is if you can have someone, mostly sexual urges sprung from that someone, if there is none or we can't access this someone, we pleasure ourselves. Everything is accessible now so free porn is almost always standard. You get urges, you don't have anyone, you watch porn, you pleasure yourself (Porn addiction poses sexual dissatisfaction problems too!) The way I see it, this thought processing is defeatist and self damaging. We condition ourselves that in failure to acquire a sexual partner for our sexual satisfaction, we reward ourselves within the means of self-pleasure.
It is tough to deal with urges because that is biological and also not a burden to be gotten rid of. What we can manage is our approach to it. Not having a sexual partner could be demoralizing, but masturbation is not just a quick alternative. It is a meaningful time we give ourselves when we feel sexual urges. A healthy and positive approach to self-pleasure as a form of self-love keeps the predator mind away. Being so self-sustaining allows you to respect people around you more deeply, just like in every other facets of our social life. So why not today on this lazy sunday you go pay yourself a a visit huh?
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