I obviously can't tell someone what to look for in their attempt on romantic love. But given my experience (wow big shot!), I perhaps would like to share what not to look for and maybe give you guys more fighting chance in achieving something more meaningful in this aspect in life. I promise I'll make it as brief and as objective as possible, even at its core, romantic love is subjective, and without it ever sounding like a Thought Catalogue article. If you feel attacked, I apologize, but you should stop reading that crap.

Let's start with our approach of the ideal girl and guy. In case you don't have any concrete concept of what that is. I suggest you stop reading first and think about it, even just a very feint glimpse of what your ideal girl and guy look like. Generally, it will be a hodgepodge of physical, mental, financial and metaphysical qualities. So for example, that Chad who takes care of himself, always keeping in shape Chad, a hard-ass Chad with a twist of softness by being for instance; a family-oriented person with very goal driven plans but for the people he cares for and not himself. This seems to be a standard go-getter for the ladies, and why wouldn't they, there's always something about that yin and yang of toughness and softness in every person. We like being offended and coddled two-fold at the same time don't we?

But what if we take a moment to think about Chad again, but this time let us think about ourselves. Think about why the heck would Chad date someone like us. Think about what would Chad get from us. Think about whether or not it is in Chad's best interest to spend time with us. So before you wallow in self-pity, with how my tone is sounding right now, I'd like you to stop. Of course the answer to all these questions will depend on what Chad's ideal girl would be. Right? Isn't that the thing about dating. It's a hit or miss of each others' ideal partners.

This is where I'm about to establish my first point. I don't think our core self is very much aligned to our ideal guy/girl. If it's a hit or miss game, you might want to give yourself a fighting chance by realigning these two. That way, the people you generally go for are usually not very far from who you are. Stop chasing for red flags. I know all of us are psychologically fucked up one way or another, but this is where we free ourselves from our predispositions. Sure, this guy is more like your abusive, unavailable father. And now you are all over him; hoping your frustrations with your father would turn out differently on this guy. Don't seek redemption from your past traumas from different people we meet in our lives.

Moving on, let's assume Chad likes your weird ass. So you guys will date now. Things are gonna be great because it's a perfect match of your ideals. This is the part where most of us are probably, and most likely unfamiliar with. I mean, at this age of ghosting, emotional unavailibility, breadcrumbing and what other milennial dating woes, we usually don't get at this point. The point where everything fits. The next big question is, sustainability. Spell it out. S-U-S-T-A-I-N-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y. Have you ever ask this in a prospected partner before? Even not directed at him or her? Because you know, let's face it, romantic love is a fleeting feeling and maybe that desire to feel it genuinely in the first place blinds us so much that we overlook to ask these questions before jumping in.

A quick exercise for instance, you guys have been in a long distance relationship for 6 months. You probably should wonder where you guys are headed, because one way or another you can't be in that setup forever, right? But sure, let's just stay chill and go with the flow because talking makes it less fun and smoother. That's a valid setup. Some even has that kind of setup for a very, very long time, maybe, I'm not really sure I have no anecdotal recounting. But I'm sure as hell it won't be for a lifetime. We are a generation that spouts "walang forever" as a comical expressionism of hopelessness in our pursuit of love, but we also don't define what forever may look like. I mean have you ask yourself, what's in a person that you would seriously stay with him or her until the day you die? You keep worrying about the guy who would stay but what about you, are you gonna stay, can you stay true to that? Or you'd just be like everyone else. You will compromise. You will settle.

I guess as a person, knowing your ideal partner, that is in a fair semblance with your core self is a start. Then you have to ask yourself next to what extent of commitment you can give. Because being monogamous or polygamous is just a byproduct of a society, little by little people are finding out their built differently. Some don't believe on marriage, and that's valid. Some don't want kids, and that's valid. Settling is not something to look down of. But at least have some sense of a healthy settling, because one way or another you will find differences, and you will compromise, and you will settle. And these things are not sustainable. And significantly enough you'd be either oppressed by your partner, or yourself.

If you notice, most of these introspection are an introspection with ourselves. There are so many self-love shit going on in our social media timelines, and romantic love is a thing we are moving away from. Some even go to the extent of shaming this ideology, because not until the 19th century, romantic love wasn't a thing. But hey, if you believe on these kinds of things, no one could ever impose an objective truth ipso facto that, Romantic love is not a valid quest. You probably like that old couple sitting at the stairs of some old cafe. So if you want to go for that, please make sure, be very sure about yourself. Self-awareness is the most important thing before opening up ourselves to others. If you don't know yourself enough, how do you even bring about sharing who you are to someone else. There is self-love in romantic love. Chase for it the same way you will chase that Chad.
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Day 10/31 #AgostoKoSariliKo
Agosto ko Sarili ko is part of a healing and continuous reinvention process where I am forcing myself, day to day deadlines ala Nas Daily, of any creative work for the entire month of August. Why don't you do it as well or if you want we can collaborate? Hit me up.