I didn't like the latest album of Vampire Weekend that much but this particular song which is also the title of this write-up reminds me so much of my two brothers; Jerusalem. New York. Berlin. Imagine on their entire 20 years of existence in this universe (yes, they are twins), this August was the very first occurance that we all are living in three different places. I intend this piece to narrate random memories I have with them growing up and how it resolves to the now where we are all leading three different lives.

I could not illuminate on how they felt growing up with me but as their 'kuya', I can share what's on my side of the string. Since grade school, I have been away our house growing up mostly. I have been a very outdoorsy and active person, so it's either I am with friends, I am somewhere exploring things, or I am doing extra-curricularrs at school. Perhaps my biggest hang-out and sort of influence to them was to teach them video games and that is particularly not helpful sometimes. I remember hooking them on DOTA, League of Legends, Final Fantasy XIV, World of Warcraft and a couple of other MMORPGs. I know they always hated me playing a game and then easily losing interest in it which leave them hanging when they get a good grip. They get super competitive with me that's why they like to work hard on it, and most of the time they beat me because they team-up. We use to go to computer shops and I will tell you my brothers are huge introverts so that's like a huge milestone everytime we go there in their existence as social beings.

I also remember them hating the idea of music and why people waste time in it as grade schoolers until, you know, like most of us with musical inclination to sort of have a musical awakening that you can't just stop obsessing about music once it happens. I think mine started way too early like even way before gradeschool as my aunt always plays good music to me as a young kid as she cleans granny's house every sunday. But anyway, their musical awakening only came in high school if I am not mistaken. They even reminded me how they used to say 'what's up with music' and 'how I am so obssessed with it as a highschooler'. They have their own thing going on but I can say I also push a whole lot of influences to them like Fall Out Boy that we so much love especially the albums Folie a Deux and Save Rock and Roll and Of Monsters and Men that we worshiped religiously, especially their last creation Beneath the Skin [Can't wait for Fever Dream (2019)]. I also faintly remember the day we played Realize by Colbie Caillat an entire rainy day while playing video games and for some reason weren't bothered by it.

Perhaps a bigger influence to them that I took a huge part of was getting them into Television and Movies. We used to be crazy about Christopher Nolan and how we try to be clever and figure out what twist is going to happen this time. I think our favorite was The Prestige (I might be speaking for myself ).  I also got them hooked on Sherlock (the BBC series) and how we always mimic Moriarty because he is the best antagonist ever for us at the time; "No you woooon'tttt!". House MD was also a regular thing that we try to watch together. It's funny how our Dad can't win in any argument about health because we are so oriented by Dr. House that the best thing to be healthy is to not lie to your doctor and tell him everything.

However, in as much as getting them into Television and Movie, the bigger thing that they developed on their own was their love for, you guess it right, Anime. My brothers are huge weebs and they'll make a snarky remark about what it means and how it shouldn't apply to them, but hey bros, you guys are weebs. And I don't mean that negatively, because introducing and watching with them the entirety of Code Geass, Steins;Gate, Mirai Nikki, Neon Evangelion Genesis (which they hate so much they'd rate it 1 to spite me beccause it's my favorite), Bakemonogatari Series, and what appears to be their anime awakening;  what does a weeb and a gamer has in common, it's Sword Art Online. I couldn't for the life of me measure how deep they are in their anime watching but it is certainly way, way deeper than mine. I mean I only watch One Piece now and halted discovering the new generation seasonal ones because I have so much art going on that I set aside discovering newer animes. But hey, maybe a great recommendation from my brothers would get me to watch one again, especially if it is as artistic as let's say Puella Magi Madoka Magica of the infamous Gen Urobochi. We still can't get over that keki (cake) scene!

To now you are probably thinking I look like I'm just bragging what I influenced to my siblings, but I promise you this is not what I intend in this write-up. And if I am being very honest, I mean, my brothers no longer play games with me anymore. As a form of compensation to those times that I left them on a game because of life and what not, I bought us subscriptions to games that will perfectly get us to play together. But that didn't work sadly. They don't listen music with me anymore. I have this blogging thing going on with me, but they on the other hand create musical pieces from a software called Vocaloid where they cover songs in the interweebs and have some following on Youtube. I tried hooking them up to Chvrches and ask them to make a cover of their songs but none of them seems to be interested. I don't remember the last time I convinced them to watch a movie or a series with me, perhaps only if there are visitors that they are shy to decline that I am only able to. I remember begging them to watch the latest Wes Anderson animated (which is sort of close to their deep interest), but that didn't work out at all, and to think we used to love all the Wes films. Watching Anime was not appealing to me as much as it is to them so there's no common area in that now too. And perhaps I should have efforted, but who has the time now?

What I'm trying to say is. I kinda miss them. Actually, I miss them so much and growing up as the breadwinner and sort of second parent to these kids is tough. Especially if you don't hangout the way you used to before. More especially if they are not kids anymore. Perhaps it is sort of a taste of what its like being a parent because you have this figure to live by and you see it being repeated by them. It sucks. But more than this wretched, bittersweet feeling of missing them, there is a far more too powerful and engulfing feeling I have in my heart. I am proud. I am so fucking proud of my brothers. They had it rough being coddled by my parent because Kuya is always outside so mama needs his twin carebears 24/7 because being away from dad for twenty years is rougher. I sort of stood as their father figure and like a cliche, was absent most of the time. It is tough being so sheltered that in order to break the cycle we all has to take part in making big risks that scared the shit out of myself, but to introverted twins who only has each other since day 1, I couldn't even imagine how scary that would be.

As sang by Ezra Koenig, "All I do is lose baby, all I want is to win. Jerusalem. New York. Berlin." Perhaps in our own Manila, Laguna and Pangasinan, we all will win. And if we don't, that's fine, because being here at this very moment in this triple soliloquy, we already achieved so much. We will still grow and maybe someday learn to take more pictures with each other so I get to post recent ones and make girls think "Oh shit that's what this guy's genes is all about? How the hell I do to get his number."

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#AgostoKoSariliKo[Day 14/31] Self love is self expressionism