Truth be told, fairy tales do exist. It is probably even an understatement to describe a night of bitter gourds, string beans, eggplants, okras and all the other jealous green veggies waiting to be sauté’d into a perfect mixture of oil and water bathe with the uncanny smell of fermented fish (bagoong) and a touch of lemons on top of it isn’t just a tale of a dumb bitch waiting to be saved by a lousy prince. I call it ‘The Recipe’ from one of life’s limited edition cook book.
INGREDIENTS:
The Booze- First in priority kiddos! Beer, vodka, gin, tequilla, absinthe, ethyl name it! Whatever makes you whoozy and sleezy. Pile em up like gold, enough for a band of thirsty bunch of misfits.
The Kitchen- Find a four cornered room equipped with materials enough to give privacy to a diverse group of people of tame pets of the evening to nasty wild creatures of the night. Call it kitchen and define that you are only limited to these boundaries.
Understanding Foreigner Housemate- Yes it has to be a foreigner. And yes he should be understanding. And will just be right next to ‘The Kitchen’, sleeping. This will add chaos to what a bunch of psychotic energy your about to create.
The Observer- sometimes called the dashing debonair, the boy next door, the apple of the crowd, and many more self absorbed titles. Huehuehuehue. He is criticized for having too much referencing on the tv stuff and sees people as acting out a certain character on their everyday life. It is given that he has some standard writing skills. Oh wait, who am I kidding, your eyes will roll on how everything is well placed, the wordplay, the cleverness, them puns. Magnifico! Sadly even though filled with all these greatness about him he apparently have another… greatness. Huehuehuehuehue. Yes folks, and that is the golden talent to hold an excessive amount of liquor which is vital to the success of everything because without him there isn’t this story to be told. Legends say that this bad ass wasn’t even at the very least considered tipsy that night. A crucial part though is he isn’t allowed to love. Why?! Should be done with no emotions or things will get ugly.
Chef Boy Logro- If you think this endeavor are done by amateurs you better start reconsidering of recreating this Recipe. The Recipe is unforgiving towards unprofessional inexperience schoolboys and rewarding only to real men honed by uncounted struggles with the spirit of the alcohol. Good at giving the slice of pie that everyone deserves regardless of alcohol intolerance and, as a chef, being good on picking stuff like ready-made and well marinated chicken for the ‘pulutan’ is given. Sometimes wears pajamas for comfy issues. Can be a girl only if she has uncannily body proportions and daddy issues.
Monica Geller- Basically the assistant of chef boy. She helps mostly with the preparation of the kitchen, grocery and stuff like budgeting. An aspiring chef who unlike her teacher has very nice proportions and has massive boobs. To all who watched ‘Friends’, we all know that this premiere character has some serious issues with losing. She gets things how she wanted it, as soon as possible, no strings attached. Coined for the infamous yet innovative version of a popular western cursive phrase “mother mother!” Yes she said that out loud. Has some weird liking of crying in english while trapped inside a bathroom.
The Whore of Babylon (W.o.B.)- This isn’t your average whore to tell you folks. Because this whore is big-time. And when I say big-time she is the kind that treats you to tea houses, offers electric fans, gives random toiletries, and has a very ‘career woman way of living’— that kind of big-time. “But But Mr. Observer aren’t you describing such a kind and loving fellow?”, yes, you might say she actually has a big heart and years of whoring was just her output to sometimes please the inner beast inside her but I dare to not mislead you that way. The catch gentlemen is after two glasses of whatever cocktail you give to this ‘mother mother’ you see her running around wrecking havoc to a man on a corner and with a slight blink she is next to the guy on the opposite end relaxing on his lap like a baby with massive daddy issues.
Daniel Padilla- Wears leather jacket or at least looks like one and brings cake— good combination. A prerequisite to any leading teen star. Although he may be young and all that he is sometimes seen with a very manly goatee. Being a teen star has its perks too and that is some VIP treatment which he eloquently exercised but also has some downsides and those are the restrictions. He needs to go home to his mama or he gets the spanking (If you know what I mean *wink). Some would call him the ‘Repressed Daniel Padilla’ in lieu to some paparazzi’s claim that Mr. Padilla practices cross-dressing with all the repressed stuff and all that. Seriously bad at making jokes.
Baby Boy- a term popularized by the Whore of Babylon although she probably used this to some other men after having another glass of cocktail . This mainly refers to the 16 year old (shockingly young yet wasn’t exempted to the deadly grasp of the W.o.B.) guy who ate a lot of pizza. Generally acclaimed as a quiet person who is significantly good at the “questions” game. Chef Boy would disagree and say this baby boy is actually ‘Chuckie’ and has extreme partying capabilities but was probably hindered by the amount of old hags surrounding him. Popular for the line “I’ve seen worse.”
Ted Mosby- an ill-fated hopeless romantic who once loved and gave his all only to find out his Robin cheated on him so they broke up and are now good friends but sometimes they still do it. Now he totally moved on for a ‘new girl’ but wouldn’t call it dating her ‘yet’. Sadly though it seems the lackluster doesn’t stop as last valentine a series of mishap happened and the next thing he knew they were on hold (I’m not sure what is the reason but mainly because the girl has some daddy and mommy issues huehuehue). So in the night of the making of ‘the meal’ when asked if he has a gf or not he conveniently said no (mainly because a girl is on his lap. *Slow clap and well played to you sir Teddy Westside). Always emphasizing that he is just semi-tipsy every effin time. Claims to be “Vomit free since 93”
Jollibee- Literally a jolly bee. There wouldn’t be anyone who could match the jolliness of this laughing commander. It goes without saying that ” When the joking hat is on be sure to have Jollibee’s invite passed on.” Not even the gloomy joke deliveries of Daniel Padilla could stop this bad boy from laughing. Nor the perverted question of W.o.B’s “Do you have a problem” with a very slutty nail biting would disrupt the momentum of this chillin mother mother. You don’t want this mascot goes outin cause all the partyin goes stopin. It’s a fact you shouldn’t just ignorin’, cause when you see me rhymin, that’s just jolibee bouncin.
Good Luck Chuck- This mother mother is your typical nice guy. Never kill joy. Always cooperative. Very polite. Well-mannered. And on top of that he has a very rigid massively muscled calvin klein material butt area. So technically it isn’t a surprise that this good ass (you see what I did there? huehuehuehue), will and will be digged by them girls. As gleeful as this scenario for Chuck is, we need to look the other cheek.. of his butt, from there we hear a growing urban legend about his body part that is arbitrarily on the opposite side of the butt (if you know locating and stuff). A brief history states that after having some transcendent encounter with this being on the opposite side of his butt like his first girlfriend did, suddenly she got impregnated (and is now happily copulating with his impregnator) and left our wounded soldier all alone down on his knee ass on grass. When he managed to get back up and found his newfound love whom he happily shared his opposite of the butt parts, she crushed him even more by practically lying that “I don’t think we should move on with the relationship because bla bla bla bla (a reason she practically invented to conveniently hide her shame that she was happily making out with some other guy)”, and to make it more butt hurting this b**** Chihuahua is still goin stronger than ever with her dog friend. I can’t imagine the amount of rectal bleeding our protagonist had considering what he’s carrying. I wonder what awaits our good ass guy as Paulo Coelho argues “What happens once will never happen again, what happens twice will surely happen a third time.”
Eponine- Yes last but prolly not the least only because last to arrive at our mini cooking party bonanza, Eponine the epitome of unrequited love from the recent sensation ‘Les Miserables’. Or is it? From the shadows she hid her feelings and from a far watched as his Marius waver away from a love she once hold unto. Due to poverty she is working on a factory as what the observer concluded since she don’t want to share but this is the most obvious answer. The question is will she be singing another sad melody of “On my own” on a river of rain? Or finally embrace a love she never had?
PROCESS:
1. Gather all the boys and the girls to the kitchen where the booze is there and the dinner is served. All courtesy of Chef Boy Logro and his ever so sexy assistant Monica Geller with a hangin’ tummy outfit
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2. Let Good Luck Chuck order pizza cause that’s the kind of a good ass he is.
3. When everybody has a plate full of their own dinner Chef boy suddenly brags his futile attempt to a margarita with all the use of the blender and stuff. Everybody gets a piece of it.
4. The star Daniel Padilla clearly states that he needs to go home early as a disclaimer.
5. Let the party simmer through. The observer as host will entertain everyone cause that’s how a handsome devil he is. Jollibee with his infectious happiness will infect everyone in the room. Eponine is also happy ironically. The star Daniel is still perfectly comfortable with all the guestings and stuff. Chef Boy is happily giving all their rounds. Chuck acting like a DJ man handling the sounds. Understanding Foreigner housemate happily having his own private space on the other room. Ted and the rest of the group just goin with the flow. Until one broke the silence.
6. Add some spice. “Lets play a game!”will be muttered by a familiar overly animated voice. If it isn’t the Whore of Babylon they say ‘the meal’ wouldn’t had been created. When the spirit started some sort of exorcism to this lady the balance was ruined. The evening will be a night. The guys will be disturbed in some orderly and evenly fashion. From guy to another she leaves her mark. Not even Baby Boy will be spared! She will even make disturbing sounds using a bottle of coke continuously making a “pok… pok” sound to the ground as if mocking her very own persona. But that is not the case.
7. Let it boil down. Five or so rounds is enough to take out the beast. And here goes W.o.B. snoring on her deep slumber. As the meat of everyone continued to tenderized on a very orderly fashion. But that doesn’t happen for long. The beast had awaken. And this time it is a whiney headachy helpless little girl that will break a very significant paramater— she goes out of ‘the kitchen!’
8. Cover the Pan. Yet the steam went out. It will be unstoppable and all the order will be spilt. Like a ripple effect an uncontrollable mixture of unintended tastes will occur.
9. First is the evaporation of Jollibee. I have reasons to believe that Jollibee is a freakin psychic. He predicted something bad is gonna happen when W.o.B went out and destroyed the kitchen’s sanctity he needed to get out. The initial notion is that Jollibee spreads happiness to everyone and that happiness follows him, but the observer could be have misinterpreted. Jollibee isn’t being followed by happiness he conveniently has the ability to dodge mishaps! And without anything serious yet he made his way out of the party with a smiley face.
10.Next is the ripening of the ‘real’ BEAST. We should remember that the observer has one tiny bit of twist on his perfection, and that is love. When love enters the picture all hells breaks loose. You should remember the role of the observer, isn’t just to observe, but also to intelligently mitigate all sorts of mishap. But something is ruined. Something is burnt. Something is overcooked.
11. Put some Tequila for flavor. This was the Observer’s first mistake. Apart from W.o.B emotional tear up, Daniel Padilla and Eponine went to follow and care for her. Chef boy prepared coffee for the poor soul. Maybe Jollibee was still laughing somewhere who knows but surely his presence isn’t there. Even Baby Boy’s whereabouts are unknown. Ted Mosby, Good Luck Chuck and the Observer are happily enjoying the bottle of Tequilla since everyone is disoriented from the pan. But who cares? This time it’s the Monica Geller show. When W.o.B went rummaging stuff. Monica’s carefully handled balanced was tip. It destroyed her. It made her weak! It made her mad. Monica doesn’t lose. Heck she feels the raging agony that she won’t on her dead body lose to some random guy like the Observer. In her eyes the observer was an eyesore. And here happened a very violent freak out where once just a mere bystander became a victim of a sore loser’s rage.
12. Cook with love. Emotions were placed on the cooking pot. Everything was ruined. Everyone seek to comfort even W.o.B. But matters just got worse. After Monica irrationally getting mad to everyone mostly to the observer and the Chef and locking herself inside the comfort room, the Observer remembered something. Not each of them can help the mad Monica who was once a very happy creature. Not even her boss Chef Boy Logro. He knew that as Love started it, love will also be the one to end it. He knew that he needed to stop just being the observer and stepping it up. He needs to be a character. So he broke the door and entered a still raging Monica. But then he made her remember that both of them love each other. That both of them are a weird combination. A Monica Geller and an Observer. And for that moment it clicked. It just snapped the crazies out of Monica and pushed her to just sleep it all away and that tomorrow will be okay.
13. It’s time to serve! As relieving as it may sound this calming of Monica was practically the greatest reason why the Pinakbet a la influencia de Cerveza was made. When the gates of hell were shut. The most helpless, pathetic, groovy, wet, puke filled, and funniest shit ever combined will happen.
SERVING:
*You have to note that serving should happen simultaneously as oppose to series of steps. “A family that eats together… fattens up together”
Appetizer:
Scenario A- Ted Mosby a very proud member of Vomit Free since 93’ after the huge commotion he was actually feeling so dizzy and very uneasy. He knew he was being very defensive the whole time even though not being ask he keep on blabbering that he is just semi tipsy. Just semi tipsy, like he still will remember all of this an all that. So he just keep on drinking and drinking. But he then realized that in order to hold this record he needs to rest. So what he actually did was head to the room where Observer is watching his Monica Geller sleep her troubles away. And occupied one for himself and happily dozed off. Until something stopped him. It was Chef Boy Logro convincing him to drink up since he is just semi-tipsy. Ted just followed like Logro’s bitch. This very thing was their greatest mistake.
Scenario B- Baby Boy who apparently was absent for the most part of stuff did a very very touching thing. As I was stucked on my Monica and can’t even get a cup of water I asked for him to fetch me one. He really needs to study for an exam and as I did not get the situation well I asked him what the matter. Practically the house were in has a metal gate where you can lock out them bad people and also lock yourself in. Apparently after Jollibee’s early but phenomenal exit, the key was given to a now drunk-sleeping Monica who punches me everytime I wake her up. So technically we are really locked in. Nobody could find the key. Except the sleeping monster beside me.
Scenario C- Good Luck Chuck who was so consumed at the moment decided playing some house music which in turn awaken the soul of a previously super wild turned sober ‘sad and whiney’ turned low battery Whore of Babylon. The second started showing her moves which in turn was answered back by G.L.C. with his huge firm butt. And like a magical tension was broke and both are so happily grinding to some music. The twist here however is that G.L.C. is really at a very drunken state while W.o.B condition is unknown cause in reality after she got drunk on 5 or so glass, she slept, woke up, wrecked the kitchen apart, and is probably a full blown sober girl at that moment. Is this the classic example of “Sober girls around me, acting like they drunk” thing? If yes, to what end though? Is she going to use G.L.C. magical opposite of the butt parts for her own use and hurt our poor character? Or should we take a chance that a Whore and a Nice Guy together will mature into something only the greatness of chemistry can explain? Who knows? The only important thing is because their grinding and all, they TURNED OFF THE FREAKIN LIGHTS.
Scenario D- “Eponine, do you know what grinding is?”… like a true matinee idol Daniel Padilla handsomely explaining a term through a vivid example as he pointed two adults carelessly rubbing their bodies to each other in a dancing manner (scenario and said “That is grinding!”. Who might have thought that the unanswered, pure and unadulterated love, Eponine has been keeping from the world was for no other than our hot teen star. The only intriguing thing was they both sat down so close together in a hugging position weirdly enough to think that Eponine won’t sing “On my own” that day. Will our Eponine be given a chance to sing numbers like “We belong together” ala Mariah, a duet with Daniel of lifehouse’s “You and Me”, a self fullfulling one like “I just had sex” by Akon. Nobody knows, all I know is that our teen star who promised to go home 3 hours ago was still here stucked and growing more and more anxious.
Main Course:
When I figured my Monica Geller was all okay to be left alone and is now so happy sleeping I decided to help Daniel Padilla and Baby Boy in locating the key. And as I went out the room, an epiphany of some sort occured to me in resemblance to a feeling of exiting a long deep tunnel. It was like I had a version of the movie Cashback’s epic quote and it goes on my head with the Fun’s hit single ‘We are young’ on the background, “Once upon a time I wanted to know what life is. Life is there if you want it to be. You just have to see that its wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your precious time. If you don’t stop for a minute you might miss it.”
It was all there at the same time happening like some whack director put it all together. Two opposite people were so merrily dancing on a simple laptop music. Two worried souls that grown tired of being locked up are circling the place to locate a key. A mountain of puke on the sink and splashes aside by a guy who was vomit free since 93’. A clumsy love struck girl bumped into the table where a whole gallon of purified water fell and wash the floor of pizzas, dirt, and puke and flooded the whole damn place up until the doors of an understanding foreigner peacefully sleeping still on the room nearby. And me who is about to shrink in shame being the most aware and all. On a side note did you know that pinakbet came from the word pinakebbet which means shrunk or shriveled? That is excaxtly what I was during that time and I’m about to scream!
When amidst all these chaos one genuine and brilliant plan was thought. It was maybe the artistry of a chef. Or rather the artistry of a drunk chef. With all the lights out. The wet floor. The puke aside. The grinding people. The anxious locked ups.
With pure conviction without any feeling of ‘this might be weird’, he decided to get all vegetables on the fridge, get some fish paste (bagoong), burn them on a very very used oil on a frying pan, sauté whatever it is on it, put some other weird stuff like lemons, mix them in the dark and just gamble what will come out and VOILA! A masterpiece. A northern delicacy is made. As the chef exclaimed excitedly to the crowd in maelstrom, “Sino gusto ng pinakbet?”
The Booze- First in priority kiddos! Beer, vodka, gin, tequilla, absinthe, ethyl name it! Whatever makes you whoozy and sleezy. Pile em up like gold, enough for a band of thirsty bunch of misfits.
The Kitchen- Find a four cornered room equipped with materials enough to give privacy to a diverse group of people of tame pets of the evening to nasty wild creatures of the night. Call it kitchen and define that you are only limited to these boundaries.
Understanding Foreigner Housemate- Yes it has to be a foreigner. And yes he should be understanding. And will just be right next to ‘The Kitchen’, sleeping. This will add chaos to what a bunch of psychotic energy your about to create.
The Observer- sometimes called the dashing debonair, the boy next door, the apple of the crowd, and many more self absorbed titles. Huehuehuehue. He is criticized for having too much referencing on the tv stuff and sees people as acting out a certain character on their everyday life. It is given that he has some standard writing skills. Oh wait, who am I kidding, your eyes will roll on how everything is well placed, the wordplay, the cleverness, them puns. Magnifico! Sadly even though filled with all these greatness about him he apparently have another… greatness. Huehuehuehuehue. Yes folks, and that is the golden talent to hold an excessive amount of liquor which is vital to the success of everything because without him there isn’t this story to be told. Legends say that this bad ass wasn’t even at the very least considered tipsy that night. A crucial part though is he isn’t allowed to love. Why?! Should be done with no emotions or things will get ugly.
Chef Boy Logro- If you think this endeavor are done by amateurs you better start reconsidering of recreating this Recipe. The Recipe is unforgiving towards unprofessional inexperience schoolboys and rewarding only to real men honed by uncounted struggles with the spirit of the alcohol. Good at giving the slice of pie that everyone deserves regardless of alcohol intolerance and, as a chef, being good on picking stuff like ready-made and well marinated chicken for the ‘pulutan’ is given. Sometimes wears pajamas for comfy issues. Can be a girl only if she has uncannily body proportions and daddy issues.
Monica Geller- Basically the assistant of chef boy. She helps mostly with the preparation of the kitchen, grocery and stuff like budgeting. An aspiring chef who unlike her teacher has very nice proportions and has massive boobs. To all who watched ‘Friends’, we all know that this premiere character has some serious issues with losing. She gets things how she wanted it, as soon as possible, no strings attached. Coined for the infamous yet innovative version of a popular western cursive phrase “mother mother!” Yes she said that out loud. Has some weird liking of crying in english while trapped inside a bathroom.
The Whore of Babylon (W.o.B.)- This isn’t your average whore to tell you folks. Because this whore is big-time. And when I say big-time she is the kind that treats you to tea houses, offers electric fans, gives random toiletries, and has a very ‘career woman way of living’— that kind of big-time. “But But Mr. Observer aren’t you describing such a kind and loving fellow?”, yes, you might say she actually has a big heart and years of whoring was just her output to sometimes please the inner beast inside her but I dare to not mislead you that way. The catch gentlemen is after two glasses of whatever cocktail you give to this ‘mother mother’ you see her running around wrecking havoc to a man on a corner and with a slight blink she is next to the guy on the opposite end relaxing on his lap like a baby with massive daddy issues.
Daniel Padilla- Wears leather jacket or at least looks like one and brings cake— good combination. A prerequisite to any leading teen star. Although he may be young and all that he is sometimes seen with a very manly goatee. Being a teen star has its perks too and that is some VIP treatment which he eloquently exercised but also has some downsides and those are the restrictions. He needs to go home to his mama or he gets the spanking (If you know what I mean *wink). Some would call him the ‘Repressed Daniel Padilla’ in lieu to some paparazzi’s claim that Mr. Padilla practices cross-dressing with all the repressed stuff and all that. Seriously bad at making jokes.
Baby Boy- a term popularized by the Whore of Babylon although she probably used this to some other men after having another glass of cocktail . This mainly refers to the 16 year old (shockingly young yet wasn’t exempted to the deadly grasp of the W.o.B.) guy who ate a lot of pizza. Generally acclaimed as a quiet person who is significantly good at the “questions” game. Chef Boy would disagree and say this baby boy is actually ‘Chuckie’ and has extreme partying capabilities but was probably hindered by the amount of old hags surrounding him. Popular for the line “I’ve seen worse.”
Ted Mosby- an ill-fated hopeless romantic who once loved and gave his all only to find out his Robin cheated on him so they broke up and are now good friends but sometimes they still do it. Now he totally moved on for a ‘new girl’ but wouldn’t call it dating her ‘yet’. Sadly though it seems the lackluster doesn’t stop as last valentine a series of mishap happened and the next thing he knew they were on hold (I’m not sure what is the reason but mainly because the girl has some daddy and mommy issues huehuehue). So in the night of the making of ‘the meal’ when asked if he has a gf or not he conveniently said no (mainly because a girl is on his lap. *Slow clap and well played to you sir Teddy Westside). Always emphasizing that he is just semi-tipsy every effin time. Claims to be “Vomit free since 93”
Jollibee- Literally a jolly bee. There wouldn’t be anyone who could match the jolliness of this laughing commander. It goes without saying that ” When the joking hat is on be sure to have Jollibee’s invite passed on.” Not even the gloomy joke deliveries of Daniel Padilla could stop this bad boy from laughing. Nor the perverted question of W.o.B’s “Do you have a problem” with a very slutty nail biting would disrupt the momentum of this chillin mother mother. You don’t want this mascot goes outin cause all the partyin goes stopin. It’s a fact you shouldn’t just ignorin’, cause when you see me rhymin, that’s just jolibee bouncin.
Good Luck Chuck- This mother mother is your typical nice guy. Never kill joy. Always cooperative. Very polite. Well-mannered. And on top of that he has a very rigid massively muscled calvin klein material butt area. So technically it isn’t a surprise that this good ass (you see what I did there? huehuehuehue), will and will be digged by them girls. As gleeful as this scenario for Chuck is, we need to look the other cheek.. of his butt, from there we hear a growing urban legend about his body part that is arbitrarily on the opposite side of the butt (if you know locating and stuff). A brief history states that after having some transcendent encounter with this being on the opposite side of his butt like his first girlfriend did, suddenly she got impregnated (and is now happily copulating with his impregnator) and left our wounded soldier all alone down on his knee ass on grass. When he managed to get back up and found his newfound love whom he happily shared his opposite of the butt parts, she crushed him even more by practically lying that “I don’t think we should move on with the relationship because bla bla bla bla (a reason she practically invented to conveniently hide her shame that she was happily making out with some other guy)”, and to make it more butt hurting this b**** Chihuahua is still goin stronger than ever with her dog friend. I can’t imagine the amount of rectal bleeding our protagonist had considering what he’s carrying. I wonder what awaits our good ass guy as Paulo Coelho argues “What happens once will never happen again, what happens twice will surely happen a third time.”
Eponine- Yes last but prolly not the least only because last to arrive at our mini cooking party bonanza, Eponine the epitome of unrequited love from the recent sensation ‘Les Miserables’. Or is it? From the shadows she hid her feelings and from a far watched as his Marius waver away from a love she once hold unto. Due to poverty she is working on a factory as what the observer concluded since she don’t want to share but this is the most obvious answer. The question is will she be singing another sad melody of “On my own” on a river of rain? Or finally embrace a love she never had?
PROCESS:
1. Gather all the boys and the girls to the kitchen where the booze is there and the dinner is served. All courtesy of Chef Boy Logro and his ever so sexy assistant Monica Geller with a hangin’ tummy outfit
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2. Let Good Luck Chuck order pizza cause that’s the kind of a good ass he is.
3. When everybody has a plate full of their own dinner Chef boy suddenly brags his futile attempt to a margarita with all the use of the blender and stuff. Everybody gets a piece of it.
4. The star Daniel Padilla clearly states that he needs to go home early as a disclaimer.
5. Let the party simmer through. The observer as host will entertain everyone cause that’s how a handsome devil he is. Jollibee with his infectious happiness will infect everyone in the room. Eponine is also happy ironically. The star Daniel is still perfectly comfortable with all the guestings and stuff. Chef Boy is happily giving all their rounds. Chuck acting like a DJ man handling the sounds. Understanding Foreigner housemate happily having his own private space on the other room. Ted and the rest of the group just goin with the flow. Until one broke the silence.
6. Add some spice. “Lets play a game!”will be muttered by a familiar overly animated voice. If it isn’t the Whore of Babylon they say ‘the meal’ wouldn’t had been created. When the spirit started some sort of exorcism to this lady the balance was ruined. The evening will be a night. The guys will be disturbed in some orderly and evenly fashion. From guy to another she leaves her mark. Not even Baby Boy will be spared! She will even make disturbing sounds using a bottle of coke continuously making a “pok… pok” sound to the ground as if mocking her very own persona. But that is not the case.
7. Let it boil down. Five or so rounds is enough to take out the beast. And here goes W.o.B. snoring on her deep slumber. As the meat of everyone continued to tenderized on a very orderly fashion. But that doesn’t happen for long. The beast had awaken. And this time it is a whiney headachy helpless little girl that will break a very significant paramater— she goes out of ‘the kitchen!’
8. Cover the Pan. Yet the steam went out. It will be unstoppable and all the order will be spilt. Like a ripple effect an uncontrollable mixture of unintended tastes will occur.
9. First is the evaporation of Jollibee. I have reasons to believe that Jollibee is a freakin psychic. He predicted something bad is gonna happen when W.o.B went out and destroyed the kitchen’s sanctity he needed to get out. The initial notion is that Jollibee spreads happiness to everyone and that happiness follows him, but the observer could be have misinterpreted. Jollibee isn’t being followed by happiness he conveniently has the ability to dodge mishaps! And without anything serious yet he made his way out of the party with a smiley face.
10.Next is the ripening of the ‘real’ BEAST. We should remember that the observer has one tiny bit of twist on his perfection, and that is love. When love enters the picture all hells breaks loose. You should remember the role of the observer, isn’t just to observe, but also to intelligently mitigate all sorts of mishap. But something is ruined. Something is burnt. Something is overcooked.
11. Put some Tequila for flavor. This was the Observer’s first mistake. Apart from W.o.B emotional tear up, Daniel Padilla and Eponine went to follow and care for her. Chef boy prepared coffee for the poor soul. Maybe Jollibee was still laughing somewhere who knows but surely his presence isn’t there. Even Baby Boy’s whereabouts are unknown. Ted Mosby, Good Luck Chuck and the Observer are happily enjoying the bottle of Tequilla since everyone is disoriented from the pan. But who cares? This time it’s the Monica Geller show. When W.o.B went rummaging stuff. Monica’s carefully handled balanced was tip. It destroyed her. It made her weak! It made her mad. Monica doesn’t lose. Heck she feels the raging agony that she won’t on her dead body lose to some random guy like the Observer. In her eyes the observer was an eyesore. And here happened a very violent freak out where once just a mere bystander became a victim of a sore loser’s rage.
12. Cook with love. Emotions were placed on the cooking pot. Everything was ruined. Everyone seek to comfort even W.o.B. But matters just got worse. After Monica irrationally getting mad to everyone mostly to the observer and the Chef and locking herself inside the comfort room, the Observer remembered something. Not each of them can help the mad Monica who was once a very happy creature. Not even her boss Chef Boy Logro. He knew that as Love started it, love will also be the one to end it. He knew that he needed to stop just being the observer and stepping it up. He needs to be a character. So he broke the door and entered a still raging Monica. But then he made her remember that both of them love each other. That both of them are a weird combination. A Monica Geller and an Observer. And for that moment it clicked. It just snapped the crazies out of Monica and pushed her to just sleep it all away and that tomorrow will be okay.
13. It’s time to serve! As relieving as it may sound this calming of Monica was practically the greatest reason why the Pinakbet a la influencia de Cerveza was made. When the gates of hell were shut. The most helpless, pathetic, groovy, wet, puke filled, and funniest shit ever combined will happen.
SERVING:
*You have to note that serving should happen simultaneously as oppose to series of steps. “A family that eats together… fattens up together”
Appetizer:
Scenario A- Ted Mosby a very proud member of Vomit Free since 93’ after the huge commotion he was actually feeling so dizzy and very uneasy. He knew he was being very defensive the whole time even though not being ask he keep on blabbering that he is just semi tipsy. Just semi tipsy, like he still will remember all of this an all that. So he just keep on drinking and drinking. But he then realized that in order to hold this record he needs to rest. So what he actually did was head to the room where Observer is watching his Monica Geller sleep her troubles away. And occupied one for himself and happily dozed off. Until something stopped him. It was Chef Boy Logro convincing him to drink up since he is just semi-tipsy. Ted just followed like Logro’s bitch. This very thing was their greatest mistake.
Scenario B- Baby Boy who apparently was absent for the most part of stuff did a very very touching thing. As I was stucked on my Monica and can’t even get a cup of water I asked for him to fetch me one. He really needs to study for an exam and as I did not get the situation well I asked him what the matter. Practically the house were in has a metal gate where you can lock out them bad people and also lock yourself in. Apparently after Jollibee’s early but phenomenal exit, the key was given to a now drunk-sleeping Monica who punches me everytime I wake her up. So technically we are really locked in. Nobody could find the key. Except the sleeping monster beside me.
Scenario C- Good Luck Chuck who was so consumed at the moment decided playing some house music which in turn awaken the soul of a previously super wild turned sober ‘sad and whiney’ turned low battery Whore of Babylon. The second started showing her moves which in turn was answered back by G.L.C. with his huge firm butt. And like a magical tension was broke and both are so happily grinding to some music. The twist here however is that G.L.C. is really at a very drunken state while W.o.B condition is unknown cause in reality after she got drunk on 5 or so glass, she slept, woke up, wrecked the kitchen apart, and is probably a full blown sober girl at that moment. Is this the classic example of “Sober girls around me, acting like they drunk” thing? If yes, to what end though? Is she going to use G.L.C. magical opposite of the butt parts for her own use and hurt our poor character? Or should we take a chance that a Whore and a Nice Guy together will mature into something only the greatness of chemistry can explain? Who knows? The only important thing is because their grinding and all, they TURNED OFF THE FREAKIN LIGHTS.
Scenario D- “Eponine, do you know what grinding is?”… like a true matinee idol Daniel Padilla handsomely explaining a term through a vivid example as he pointed two adults carelessly rubbing their bodies to each other in a dancing manner (scenario and said “That is grinding!”. Who might have thought that the unanswered, pure and unadulterated love, Eponine has been keeping from the world was for no other than our hot teen star. The only intriguing thing was they both sat down so close together in a hugging position weirdly enough to think that Eponine won’t sing “On my own” that day. Will our Eponine be given a chance to sing numbers like “We belong together” ala Mariah, a duet with Daniel of lifehouse’s “You and Me”, a self fullfulling one like “I just had sex” by Akon. Nobody knows, all I know is that our teen star who promised to go home 3 hours ago was still here stucked and growing more and more anxious.
Main Course:
When I figured my Monica Geller was all okay to be left alone and is now so happy sleeping I decided to help Daniel Padilla and Baby Boy in locating the key. And as I went out the room, an epiphany of some sort occured to me in resemblance to a feeling of exiting a long deep tunnel. It was like I had a version of the movie Cashback’s epic quote and it goes on my head with the Fun’s hit single ‘We are young’ on the background, “Once upon a time I wanted to know what life is. Life is there if you want it to be. You just have to see that its wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your precious time. If you don’t stop for a minute you might miss it.”
It was all there at the same time happening like some whack director put it all together. Two opposite people were so merrily dancing on a simple laptop music. Two worried souls that grown tired of being locked up are circling the place to locate a key. A mountain of puke on the sink and splashes aside by a guy who was vomit free since 93’. A clumsy love struck girl bumped into the table where a whole gallon of purified water fell and wash the floor of pizzas, dirt, and puke and flooded the whole damn place up until the doors of an understanding foreigner peacefully sleeping still on the room nearby. And me who is about to shrink in shame being the most aware and all. On a side note did you know that pinakbet came from the word pinakebbet which means shrunk or shriveled? That is excaxtly what I was during that time and I’m about to scream!
When amidst all these chaos one genuine and brilliant plan was thought. It was maybe the artistry of a chef. Or rather the artistry of a drunk chef. With all the lights out. The wet floor. The puke aside. The grinding people. The anxious locked ups.
With pure conviction without any feeling of ‘this might be weird’, he decided to get all vegetables on the fridge, get some fish paste (bagoong), burn them on a very very used oil on a frying pan, sauté whatever it is on it, put some other weird stuff like lemons, mix them in the dark and just gamble what will come out and VOILA! A masterpiece. A northern delicacy is made. As the chef exclaimed excitedly to the crowd in maelstrom, “Sino gusto ng pinakbet?”
This is the last memory of my friend who left us early in this world. I love you Gy! She is Eponine by the way.
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