One day, a princess and her squire were travelling down a road. The princess was on her way to visit her cousin who lives quite far from her castle. Her father didnt want her to go but she insisted so she went ahead with her squire. 

As they trudged along, the princess and her squire saw a magical tree bearing golden apples. When someone touches it, it changes its color. The princess badly wanted to see the golden apples change color so the squire got one for her. When she touched it, it changed to blue. 

"Get me more fruits! I wanna see all of them change into different colors!" She exclaimed. 

"But princess, we must not delay our journey. It's dangerous to camp around here in the dark." 

"But I wanna see the other colors."

"Princess, you can't have everything you want right now. I know you've always wanted everything."

The princess frowned and turned away from her squire. For miles, they didn't talk. Suddenly, the princess spoke.

"I was hurt by what you said. You should be apologizing but you aren't speaking at all."

"Princess, I believe I did not say anything wrong. I was just trying to put back your focus to the journey."

But the princess argued and she cried with so much frustration. "I just wanted to see the colors! I was just curious!"

"I know, princess. I wasn't trying to let you down. Please listen to me!"

The squire tried to explain to her. After a while, they stopped talking, the princess sobbing quietly and the squire silent.

"You probably should've chosen another squire. I'm no good."

It was already getting dark when suddenly a raiding party of savages came upon them and they got separated. The princess' ran away and she fell. She was badly hurt. 

The squire, on the other hand, was beaten and robbed of their food and water. With his face bleeding and body hurt, he looked for the princess. He shouted her name endlessly. 

Alas, he found the princess by the river, crying, full of fear.

"Princess!" He ran to her and hugged her. She cried even harder.  

"I'm sorry. Oh I'm sorry! I was stupid and selfish!" She clutched his arm.

"Princess, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make you cry. Please forgive me. Please."

The princess hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry. Thank you for being the best squire. I dont ever want anyone else."

And so, after the Princess cleaned her squire's wounds and patched them with leaves she found nearby, they found their horses and continued on with their journey. They arrived safely and had a wonderful stay in her cousin's castle.

But the King found out about the squire's inadequacy and disobedience. And so he facetimed his brother King (the princess' uncle) to capture the squire alive. 

In the night, silently, a group of men captured the squire. The next day, posters of his public beheading were spread out throughout the kingdom's facebook page and everyone online was informed. Excitedly, the netizens gathered at the kingdom plaza to witness the beheading of the prick who endangered the life of the princess, whom they genuinely love. 

The clock strikes six in the evening. The priest uttered his blessings. The squire was asked for his last words. There were no words for a moment. Then he smiled. The crowd was enraged. Chaos of curses came after. Suddenly, all the mumblings and shoutings were overpowered by a deafening scream from the head at the center of the guillotine. "Shut up! I disobeyed the princess because I'm no Knight. I failed the fucking psych test and all of you hypocrites can know this honest truth. That I am nuts. But I asure all of you nobodies that I am greater than any Knight this realm has ever known in taking care of the princess. You lousy Knights will protect her for money, and for honor, and for the King's favor. I protect her for a cheesy bacon mushroom burger of love.  And if my life is a fucking novel then this stage where you will behead me is the climax. And for a protaganist... I know I talk a lot. Really, a lot. That's why I am no Knight, but a fucking squire!!!" 

After the outcry, he glanced the section where the royalties are, he glanced the crowd, he glanced the executioner, he glanced the ground beneath him. The princess is nowhere to be found. With hopes slowly leaving his wake, he rested his face and gently closed his eyes.

The King was handed the tablet to activate the guillotine. Everybody is holding their breath. "You are hereby sentenced to death as the King of all the seven interwebdoms for Disobedience,  Lousy Lines, and failing in protecting the princess. Goodbye!" A sound was clicked from the tablet. But to

the King's surprise nothing happened. He pressed again. Nada. He pressed and pressed and pressed until he was stomping at the gadget already and it broke apart. "This fucking piece of apple shit! Why is it not working. I am being embarassed in front of my people!"

"Hahahahahahahaha" a familiar evil brat bitch laugh roared. Everybody was suspecting it was the princess. But they can't find where to look. Not until the squire held his head high and saw a hot air balloon overhead. Everybody followed the same direction.

"Father, as you can see, I am jamming all the signals so you can't execute him. You see, I'm done being sheltered by you already. If you weren't such a sheltered King yourself, you could have just cut the rope and execute him easily." exclaimed the princess through a megaphone. 

Then the princess glided down like a boss from the balloon to the squire's location. "What are you doing? You are endangering yourself!" said the squire. But the princess just kissed him on the cheek and said "I'm no damsel in distress. I'm an empowered woman who will save your ass. Now if you want to be with me wear this!" She handed him a sophisticated red gas mask with a power rangers design as she wore a pink one herself. It's pretty badass actually.

"Princess if you think you could get away with this and protect him with your life, you're wrong, because I'll behead the two of you. You have no escape, you are surrounded. Surrender now!" said the lame overly evil King.

But in confidence, the princess just gave her father a naughty smile and said, "In this day of age, it pays to be a princess papa, more so a King. But it pays even more to be a bitch!" Then she clicked a button and the balloon emitted some weird smoke. A few seconds later everyone on the kingdom was sleeping, even the King who is snoring peacefully like an elephant.

As the two held each other's hands, they felt a sudden urge to make out until they were practically in each other's throat. The idea to have sex in the middle of thousands of sleeping people turned them on. And so they did. They fucked like wild animals and tore each others clothes. I don't know how many rounds they went I lost count. 

The End.